Ways Life Improves After Divorce
I have been divorced for going on 5 years, after marrying my best friend/high school sweetheart. We crafted an amazing life together, as well as creating a fearless, handsome and intelligent son, our pride and joy in life. We grew apart as our son grew more independent and we started to pursue our own interests. When the bad times outweigh the good times, divorce happens. Once the initial shock, trauma, sadness, paperwork and hard-core healing from divorce is complete, then comes the time to enjoy your independence, to pursue your interests, to learn new things about your single self and to make some new amazing new friends and relationships.
Independence
Independence was the #1 benefit of my divorce. I started out with my ex when I was 16! Yes there are amazing high school sweetheart love stories out there, actually my ex’s parents for example, but that was not our story. Never living on my own, I never decorated on my own, bought a major appliance on my own or bought a car without collaborating. I really value the thought and research put into selecting what I want and executing the plan to get it. Think of ways you consciously or sub-consciously enjoy your independence.
Learning New Things About Your Single Self
I was surprised to learn I enjoy cooking! I would have been the first to say I hated cooking while married. The root issue of me not enjoying cooking was my then husband didn’t enjoy the same types of food I did and always looked for his parental examples in how to a plan and execute a meal, his ideal meal; meat, starch and vegetable ready when he got home. I, on the other-hand was raised by a widowed mom who was a 3-11pm nurse my ideal meal; quick and easy or take-out when mom was off, to enjoy her when she was home. I really enjoy experimenting and discovering tasty ways to cook good, simple and healthy-ish meals. Think of something you have learned about your single self.
Making new friends and relationships
Unfortunately in a divorce you lose some mutual friends or even your own friends that are in the thick of marriage and/or child rearing, tasks that now do not apply to you. This is truly abandonment at a different level but often happens when you need friends and confidants the most. As I went though this, I made myself be more open and mindful to get to know people. I took up running a few years ago and found an amazing tribe of friends from that hobby. I make sure I am always up to socialize, as you do you sense people who are like minded or share your interests then BAM a connection is made. I have a new wonderful group of friends that compliment my tried and true long-time friends. I can honestly say if my divorce didn’t happen I would have been too busy with day to day married life to meet and hang out with a lot of my new friends. Be deliberate and make a new friend or be grateful for the new friend(s) you have made after your divorce.
This post is not meant to downplay the shock, trauma and sadness brought on by divorce just to cover a few points to remind you, you can craft an amazing life for yourself after divorce. Remember…there are no mistakes just learning many ways to learn how NOT to do something.